Five Key Embodiment Lessons

Happy Thursday and third quarter moon! As summer wanes to fall I’m yearning for more rhythms, while wanting to carry forward the vibrance of summer. For me this summer included a powerful shift– I began cultivating my ease with new vigor. The ease of being in my body, feeling my full experience and embracing the complexity of being human.

Day by day I affirmed a deep conviction that I deserve ease, it is essential to my healing and growth, and only with ease can I build the change I want to see in this world. I accepted that while circumstances and relationships matter, ultimately no one could give me ease. I had to build this, layer by layer, for myself: ease in my body, the ability to stay connected to my physical experience and truly experience my life.

This week I’ll share a bit about my journey of expanding ease by reconnecting to my body, and five key learnings along the way.

Lesson #1: Your Body Did This to Survive

As I explored ease, I was shocked by how unfamiliar this space is–ease made me uneasy. In quiet and slowness, intense memories flooded me, and emotions felt even stronger. I thought I had spent a lot of time in ease during my years living at meditation centers– but now I realize that in those patriarchal, predominantly white spaces my system was never truly relaxed. I am still sifting through everything I was suppressing.

When an experience is overwhelming for your system (too much, too fast, too soon), one possible self-protective mechanism is to disconnect from the feelings– the physical feelings of emotions. Emotions are not just in the brain, they are experienced in the whole body– through changes in the breath, body temperature, muscle contractions (like clenching your fists) and more. Like any self-protective reaction, disconnection from the body exists on a continuum, and when repeated and/or activated dramatically, disconnection can become a persistent pattern.

Realizing that disconnection from my body was something that my body did to protect me shifted my view. I’m finally moving beyond beliefs that my brain is defective, and I am unworthy and incapable of the life I want. My body was functioning exactly how it was meant to. Now, my protection needs are different–and I need to help my body establish new patterns.

Let’s be clear, there is a lot of intensity for my body to fend off still, the threats aren’t gone. This is about my position in the world, my existence. The dangerous attention that can follow a woman of color at ease, displaying confidence and power. The pain and fear of living in a society where your body is not respected as your own, but as an object for control and extraction. What it means to be visible and loud and different.

Now, instead of disconnecting from this intensity, I am learning to move through it and allow the process to transform me.

Lesson #2: Connection is the Anchor, Path and Destination

Gently re-establishing connection, layer by layer, is how we build self-trust and open into embodiment– staying connected to your physical experience and fully feeling your life. Generally the most important place to start is compassionate connection to yourself: your multifaceted, complex identity, the range of emotions that you experience, and your past present and future selves.

The process of reconnecting often includes confronting the intense energy that we disconnected from, but doesn’t always need to include going into the intense memory and doing conceptual processing. Crying, moving your body, making sounds and are all powerful ways to transform energy even without analyzing what's underneath.

For example, part of my story is feeling too small and voiceless to defend myself, and freezing. During breathwork I often move my body and make sounds to feel the power of my voice. This helps to complete the stress response that I couldn’t complete back then, and allows my body to experience a new pattern. Over time my system is learning that when I feel unsafe, now my situation is different and I have power. While we cannot change the past, we can change our relationship to it, and how the past impacts our sense of possibility.

Every time I get to experience the richness of connection to my complex, ever-changing self, I feel completely affirmed in my path– and that the messiness was the only way to get here.

Lesson #3: Consent at Every Step

While writing this piece, I could feel the energy building in my system and needed a break. I realized I hadn’t set clear lines about what I would not share in these newsletters, and it didn’t feel possible to do in advance– it’s too nuanced for rigid rules. What I can promise myself is space for true consent. I placed my hand on my chest and said “I promise to give myself at least 24 hours with the finished piece before publishing, to feel it out and make changes.” I didn’t do this last week, and my body remembered it. I took a few deep breaths and felt my system shift, then returned to the page.

Consent is essential because we got into this place by ignoring our body’s cues. Many of us have normalized overriding our body’s red flags– ignoring pain, delaying sleep or eating, not drinking enough water, ignoring stress-related gut issues. Why would this body trust me? My body is tired of being ignored and misunderstood. Re-establishing trust requires checking in with my body repeatedly, at every small step. I try to slow down and notice when my breath constricts, jaw clenches, or shoulders hunch, and care for myself instead of steamrolling past my needs.

Consent requires time and space. Especially if you have a history of having your needs being ignored, belittled or violated, give yourself extra space to clear away other people’s energy and expectations so you can feel what you truly want. Try saying “I’ll think about it,” instead of giving immediate responses.

Consent includes being flexible and allowing yourself to change your mind. Don’t expect yourself to foresee everything; we all need to get out of the patriarchal mindset that there is “strength” in not changing your mind when you receive new information. Listen to your body, let your mind change, and do what feels right for you. In my classes this includes ignoring my instruction if your intuition says otherwise, and even leaving early if needed. Virtual classes give you extra control over your space, your practice and how visible you are. Center your needs in your embodiment practice, even in small ways, and feel your ease unfold.

Lesson #4: Center Your Ease

Often we orient towards the problem, the tension, the grief. This can be important when your pain has been ignored and pushed aside, by you or people you trusted. However, to expand, we must actively center ease. We must get very familiar with the sensations of ease–the full breath and wide sighs, the anchoring and connection, and openness to the unexpected wonders of life.

Centering ease is not erasing other aspects of your experience or suppressing emotions. It’s ensuring that shame, grief, anger, fear and other demanding experiences do not suck all of your energy. Build up other aspects of yourself, so when needed, they can be called upon to support shame, grief, anger, fear.

For example, when I am caught in a shame spiral, the most powerful energy I can invoke is curiosity–curiosity and shame are great together. Shame gives curiosity purpose and focus, because shame has tunnel vision. Curiosity helps shame loosen its grip and allow other perspectives–maybe I’m not a horrible person because of that mistake, maybe I’m just a person…maybe that moment was kind of hilarious?

Creativity, curiosity and play are strong paths to ease. Creativity helps us shake off rigidity and explore the space of both/and, beyond binary and separation. What are some activities that bring out your playful side– maybe a sport, form of art, or time in the kitchen? Listen to your curiosity, and notice the physical feelings of creativity for you. Allow pleasure and joy to be your guides– while the path to embodiment certainly includes facing the real sh**, it cannot be all struggle. Follow your ease, be gentle and patient with yourself, and the rewards will be abundant beyond your imagination.

Lesson #5: Come As You Are

Embodiment practices can be very challenging, especially when you begin opening into spaces that have been closed off for a long time or are drastically closed off. Give yourself a lot of space and understanding. Sometimes acknowledging that you don’t feel up for a certain practice is actually the healing– if you’re listening and responding to your needs, you’re caring for yourself.

Along these lines, while there’s a strong emphasis on routines in many “wellness” spaces, I suggest being cautious– watch out for rigid schedules driven by shame. Don’t allow your embodiment practice to become another self-improvement project filled with self-criticism and frustration. Give yourself options so you can show up as you are, instead of expecting your body to meet a plan you made the day before. My morning practice options include a candle, intention setting, breathwork, tarot, visualizations, guided meditations, vocal warmups, journaling, pilates, dance– it just depends how I feel that morning.

As much as possible, show up as your full complex self in embodiment practices. Seek out spaces that celebrate your uniqueness while offering connection. So many of us are taught to disconnect from aspects of ourselves that society deems too strange or wild. Lay a foundation for your embodiment practice that is truly inclusive, embracing all that is and all that you are. Because baby, you are everything.

There you have it, five guideposts as you explore your questions. Listen closely to your body, and create your own map to ease– no one else can. Draw in support, be inspired by others, and feel connected in community. Especially if you have trauma history, a trauma therapist may be very helpful. Ultimately, the answers are in your body, waiting to be understood.