Transforming the Inner Critic

I walked to the center and held my starting pose– one leg in front, sweeping across my body, timid yet powerful. Hand on my hip. I inhaled.

I delivered the first line with flair and attitude, and they did what they were supposed to do– they laughed. They bounced up and down and the lights glared at me, and I froze. Every cell in my body stood still, deer in headlights, blank mind. Hours of practice to embed each word and tone into my body dissolved.

I cleared my throat, heart pounding, face like fire. Time stretched, until my eyes found my voice instructor, playing the piano. She offered the first word and somehow a part of me finished the song.

Rebuilding my relationship to my voice has been a layered path, rooted in my self-worth, and the value of my perspective.

It wasn’t until a few years ago when I was reading Sarah Faith Gottesdiener’s Moon Book and she mentioned that for folks who were bullied as children, being laughed at— even when completely good-intentioned— can recall past trauma. Finally I understood why my mind shut down and betrayed me in such a crucial moment; it was a protection response.

Unfortunately for the twenty years in between, this painful on-stage flop subconsciously shaped how I viewed myself. Now I had brought it into my awareness, but that’s not the end of the story. Awareness is somewhere in the middle.

Once we’ve internalized a negative view of ourselves, it takes over our inner voice— how do you speak to yourself?

Do you encourage yourself, tell yourself how proud you are in hard moments? Do you acknowledge your pain and stress? Do you criticize harshly, with words you would never turn on someone you love?

How do you speak to yourself, and how do you want to speak to yourself? How would it change your days if your internal voice was just a little kinder? How would you speak to others if you believed in the importance of your voice?

I dug into these questions for myself and focused in on my voice: what do I tell myself about my voice? Is it good for me to take up space? Is my voice important? The answers were clear and oh so cruel. But as I said, awareness is somewhere in the middle of the journey. What next?

The best way to disrupt negative self-talk is to replace it with positive, self-loving words–not someone else's words, but your own.

By self-talk I mean every way we speak to ourselves, out loud and in our heads. It can be a quick moment in the mirror, something that pops out of your mouth after a mistake, or just a running dialogue in your mind.

If we want to change our internal voice, we have to actively replace all of the mean words with kind ones. And then, as with anything we are learning— we have to repeat it over and over again, until it’s internalized as a habit.

I used to think affirmations were RIDICULOUS, finally I have evolved into feeling affirmations can be very supportive, when used properly. By properly I mean:

Affirmations must be personal, and in your words. Maybe you can borrow words, if they truly resonate. But the best ones come from you.

Root affirmations in some sort of ritual, setting a strong intention from the beginning

Put it in your body: I say them once in the mirror, and then the second time I make up a movement to go with the affirmation. It’s like creating your own power poses

As with any practice, bring it into community for another layer of healing. It’s easy to fall into feelings of isolation. When we witness each other, we are reminded of our inherent interconnection and release shame.

I’m looking forward to exploring with you at the end of the month! I have another virtual workshop offering with MINKA, Full Moon Healing Circle: The Inner Critic

Previous
Previous

Collaborating with the Moon

Next
Next

Closing Reflections on Curiosity